5 Dues and Donts in Zimbabwe

Do – by all means greet your colleagues with a friendly “How are you” every 5 minutes of the day, regardless if you are all in the office or the same space the whole day. It never gets old.

Don’t – forget that work is a relative term and that sitting around playing cards or sleeping while waiting for the day to end is just fine.

Do – remember that if you have any suggestions on what kind of work to do you might, and probably will, get laughed at for coming up with something constructive.

Don’t – use English in meetings and conversations while there are a white guy present, even if you are good at it. Stick to Shona, they should learn it.

Do – encourage non-Zimbabweans to learn the local tongue, Shona, but be shure to make fun of them often and to be really accurate about the specifics of the pronunciation. This will speed up their learning process and make them love Shona.

Don’t – work more than 15 minutes before taking a 1-hour break, if you are given something to do that is (and that is a big if).

Do – expect all white guys to give you free stuff all the time. It doesn’t matter if he/she knows that you are doing just fine, they will probably give you an Ipod or some Nikes if you ask them frequently. They are all made of money you know, so white person = money.

The two-dollar bill is still operative in Zimbabwe

Don’t – stop filling the buss with people and luggage, period. It’s a magic hat that cant get to full.

Do – invite everyone in the building for lunch if you are going to eat. You see it’s a custom to share your food, even dough you only have 2-eggs and a tomato and the rest of the office just wolfed down two big plates of rise and chicken. Failing to heed this custom will result in insulting your coworkers, so you better get them some more food asap, (a Coke is fine to) they really need it.

Don’t – forget to stare!! It doesn’t matter if the same white guy have been biking the same route past you every day for 5 months. You should assume one of the following staring expressions:

1- The “Oh My God!!! A white guy” expression: Drop your jaw (drooling is ok), freeze everything you are currently doing and stare with big eyes

2- The “I Kill You” expression: Popularly collected from the ages of Imperialism (the colonizing): Lower your eyebrows and tighten your mouth. By all means, do not return any greetings or courtesies from the “white guys”(they are the devil, especially that sweaty one on the bicycle).

3- The “Haha, you look weird” expression: Just point and laugh. Try to get your friends in on the fun, the more the merrier.

A normal day at the office...